Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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