two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
