Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
