I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
