But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
