it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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