shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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