ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize