i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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