that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
