They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
