she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
