So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize