so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
