this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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