take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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