So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
