Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
