New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
