How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize