you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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