New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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