HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
