no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
