The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
