I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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