but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
