You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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