YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
