We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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