there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize