i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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