i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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