dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
