Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
