Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
