I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
