Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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