Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
