it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
