Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
