The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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