would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
