Yo dont text me then not text me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
