You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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