First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
