You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
