I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
