This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bring money and cleavage
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
