8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You're like the curious george of whores
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
