I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
