Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
