Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
