Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
