Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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