I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
