I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
