Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize