So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize