you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
