I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
