somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
