Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
