Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize