I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
