Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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