white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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