I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So much rum. So many feels.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
