I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
