that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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