put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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