between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
