a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
