he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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