so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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