a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
