So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
