I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Pants are for mortals
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize