A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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