a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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