even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
