I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
