Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
