I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
