3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize