life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
