Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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