and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
