the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
