It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
