Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
