and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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