True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
