it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
