I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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