Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone threw a dead crab at me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
