i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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