We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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