OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize