i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
