farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
