Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
