Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A+ Viking dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
