Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
