Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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