I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
