I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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