I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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