It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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