He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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